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When was the last time you opened up and had a heartfelt conversation with someone? As better as we feel when we are able to pour our heart out to someone else, we are afraid, we shield and protect ourselves from being hurt, or diminished. In this fear of not being understood, we stop opening up altogether.
We are afraid of being VULNERABLE.
As a person who spent most of her education in a boarding school, I never opened up to anyone. I’ve grown to expect the worst out of everything I do ( I still do). While this form of shielding led me to believe that I’m prepared for the worst situations, it robbed me of the joy of enjoying the small moments. I lived with this pessimistic facade, always waiting for the shoe to drop when things start going a little too well. This way, I developed a constant state of anxiety of messing up.
As children, we have been taught to hide our weaknesses, protect ourselves from outside harm, afraid of our insecurities being used against us, but as we grow up, we realize that true connections are forged only when we let ourselves be seen.
Vulenrability is the last thing I want you to see in me, but the first thing I look for in you.
Human behavior often pushes us to take a safer route, and choose a known discomfort than unknown happiness. We mask our true feeling, fill conversations with small talk and keep up the charade of hiding ourselves. We keep doing this for so long, we forget who we truly are.
This armour of safety makes us feel protected even though it weighs heavy and pull us down.
Everyone has different masks, unique to their own insecurities and the shame they feel. Some are afraid to feel joy, see happiness as a sign of impending disaster, or worse question their worthiness to deserve such joy.
But allowing ourselves to feel joy is a symbol of being hopeful, of building resilience against all odds. Let yourself appreciate the simple joys in life. You risk missing out on present joy when you are busy worrying about impending doom.
Without swaying from the topics much, remember that perhaps embracing vulnerability is ultimately to find your own happiness and sense of belonging in the midst of chaos.
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Being vulnerable can be scary, especially if you’ve been hurt in the past. While this puts you in an uncomfortable position, being mindful and self-aware helps you open up in a much healthier way.
Now 22, with only a handful of friends, I’ve had to take conscious choices to let my close friends see the real me. I try to be vocal about what I struggle with and what stresses me out. Hope these tips can help you too!
Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness, care, and understanding that you would offer to a good friend.
Be present: When we're vulnerable, we may worry about the past or the future. However, by focusing on the present moment, we can reduce anxiety and feel more grounded.
Start small: Vulnerability doesn't have to mean sharing your deepest fears and secrets right away. Instead, start small by sharing something relatively low-risk with someone you trust.
Practice active listening: Being vulnerable requires trust and reciprocity. If you want others to be open with you, you also need to be open with them.
Set boundaries: Being vulnerable doesn't mean sacrificing your own needs or boundaries. If you're uncomfortable sharing something, it's okay to say so.
Seek support: Talking through your fears and concerns with someone who understands can help you feel less alone and more capable of being open.
Practicing Gratitude: Being grateful for how beautiful your journey has been, for all the things that have been going right.
Remember to be patient and kind to yourself, and celebrate your efforts, no matter how small they are.
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